Rachel on First Day Of School
It
was the first day of school. Rachel hated that damn school,
and she hated her new class and her new teacher, Ms. White. Rachel
had seen her in the hallways at school last year, and didn't
like her. All she knew about Ms. White was that everyone, including
the other teachers, thought she was a bitch, and that over
the summer she had gotten married and divorced to the same guy
... twice, and that when Ms. White refused to change her name
back
to her maiden name, her ex-husband changed his because he hated
her that much. Rachel walked into class and sat down.
"Oh
God," thought Rachel, "Brandon
that moron, is in my class."
"Hi Rachel," said Brandon, "You look so sexy in that red sequined
cat suit." Rachel thought to herself "When did I get this outfit
and why am I wearing this? Wait a minute . . . "
Rachel
then spoke. "Brandon, your not old enough to call anyone
sexy, we're only in elementary school. . . and why aren't you
wearing any pants!"
"Ahhhhhhhh!" shrieked Brandon "This is like some bad dream!!!" Brandon
streaked out the door and hid in the bathroom for the rest of
the day.
Rachel
laughed and though to herself, "Brandon's such a . .
. uhm . . . Magical Mystery Doughnut." Just then Ms. White walked
in.
"I hate her" thought
Rachel.
"We all hate her" thought
the rest of the class.
Ms.
White was a horrific figure. Rachel noted that her hair looked
a lot like Ramen noodles and thought to herself "I wonder
if pTeri could cook them in her coffee maker. Wait a sec . .
. who is pTeri and why does she make Ramen noodles in a coffee
maker? This is all *Very* strange."
"Hello class" screeched Ms. White "I'm Ms. White and I am your
teacher." One bored student in the front row was slapping his
desk. Ms. White yelled at him "Is that a fun game slapping the
table? I bet it is. Number 42 likes to slap the table. Is that
a fun game slapping, the table? I bet it is?" The students stared
blankly back at her. "I'm taking roll now' announced Ms. White
in informative tone.
"Anderson"
"Here"
"Aardvark"
"Here"
"Buller"
. . . .
"Buller?"
. . . .
"Buller???"
Just
then a loud mouth student in the back raised his hand in the
back and yelled, without being called on, "Is it true
you have an extra ass hole above the standard ass hole?" Ms. White
screeched "Stop
harassing me or I'll tell the Assistant Dean of Students."
Rachel
knew this bitch needed to go down and quick. Just then her
pet rabbit, Chuck Yeager, busted out of her locker with an
uzi over his shoulder and bounded toward Rachel. Rachel quickly
donned her safety goggles, because we all know all clinically
insane people value their eyesight more than anything. Rachel
aimed
the uzi and let fly on Ms. White but the bullets had no effect
on her, they simply bounced away. Rachel had an idea, she'd seen
it once in a movie. She took gun and took aim at the fish tank
and fired. The fish tank sprayed water all over Ms. White and
she slowly began to melt, Rachel thought this might be because
her hair really was made from Ramen noodles.
"I'm
melting, melting, melting. What a world where a little girl
and her dog .. . . I mean rabbit, named Chuck Yeager, can
kill a wicked witch like me . . . " and nothing was left of Ms.
White but her clothes.
The
class cheered. "Hooray for Dorthe . . . er . . . Rachel.
The wicked witch is dead!."
Rachel
was damn proud of herself and announced to her class mates, "There
are no adults here so I'm in charge because I have the conch
shell. I am the lord of the fliiiiiiiiiiiiies."
Just
then the clock radio went off, and Rachel found her self still
in bed not yet having gone to school yet. "Sonovabitch" Rachel
muttered and wondered to the bathroom to take a shower. She put
on her safety glasses, so the shower wouldn't effect her eyesight,
and stepped into the shower slipped on a bar of soap, fell down,
and broke her neck. Rachel died.
The End
blows
up her school | july 4 | july4
v2.0 | christmas | christmas
v2.0 | has a cold | first
day of school | last day of school | halloween | holiday | new
years y2k | thanksgiving | thanksgiving
2.0 | valentine's | valentines
v2.0 | veteran's day
