While
I didn't get to see all this movie, I did watch
a good deal of "Food of the Gods."
This was
a story about giant rats running around
trying to eat people. The special effects were basically
extreme close ups
of mice next to model buildings/trees/etc to make them look
big. To
simulate giant mice getting shot by shotguns, they simply
zoomed in on
mice being shot with a BB gun or the similar. "Giant" mice
brains
splattered everywhere. Despite that cruelty to animals, the
producers of
this film were obviously big enviomentalists seeing as they
recycled the
close up footage of the rats several times.
However
I must say nothing is
quite as scary as ending the film with a ominous note and
a freeze frame
of a first grader eating ice cream. Huh?
I
had watched a movie about giant rats, now it's time for giant "Skeeters".
As you
may have guessed this movie is about giant mosquitos.
Unlike
the
other movie this movie had the star power to be a hit. It
featured . . .
uhm . . . that red-headed chick who used to be on Melrose Place
and . . .
uhm . . . some guy who forgot his name but he always seems
to play police
officers and . . . uhm Larry of "Larry, Darryl and Darryl" as
the water
treatment specialist.
Well
lets see, there is toxic waste in the water,
which causes giant mosquitos. This movie features a bug eye
view of the
killings which we lovingly titled "Skeeter Cam" and
we shouted its new name
constantly when it was used.
The
giant blood-suckers were easy to kill if
only one attacked you, because if you squished them between
your hands
you'd find that the 'Skeeters were filled with rich creamy
Nugat. You know
what? I don't remember anything else about that movie monstrosity.
The next
movie is titled "Slugs". If you didn't guess this
was about mutant killer slugs. The hero of this story was
a water treatment specialist, a theme common to most all
movie about giant mutant animals.
These
slugs weren't giant, but rather "large for a slug" and
attacked in droves. The worst part about this movie was that
the slugs lived in the sewers and therfor usually killed
people who were in the bathroom and naked or half naked,
including one guy who looked a lot like Sammy Hagar.
The hero
of this movie tries to convince the mayor of the impending
doom, but the mayor doesn't belive him and angrily he delivers
one of the classic lines in modern cinema, "You don't
have the authority to declare Happy Birthday!" Of course
not, that's not the Water Department, it's the Department
of Health and Human Services that has the authority to declare
a happy birthday.
In a plot
twist no one was prepared for, rather than using salt or
the similar to kill slugs, our hero decided to enlist the
aid of the High School Science Professor (apparently Mary
Anne and the Skipper were busy), who then decide to pour
a bunch of chemicals into the sewer that would light the
sewer water on fire.
Good idea
cause fire and the gases in the sewer mix well. We see many
shots of . . . well . . . every manhole and building with
a toliet in the city blowing up. But of course no one is
hurt. Why no one in town could ever out run a slug, I dunno,
but this movie
sucked
more than a hoover upright.
Perhaps
someday I'll review a movie
without giant animals.
monster-in-law | national
treasue | win a date with tad hamilton | white
chicks | garbage pail kids: the
movie | short reviews
